Silk Road forums
Discussion => Off topic => Topic started by: socailreject420..helpme on December 22, 2012, 04:11 am
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So i guess i have a problem and i'm not really sure who to ask......... So I've been hanging out with this girl, she is really nice, really beautiful, intelligent and just generally a sweet girl. We are both single but came out of quite long term relationships several months ago, so i guess it's been a while since I've been with anyone but my ex and i think it's the same for her. Basically i have no idea how to make the move or to tell her that i like her........... she's become quite a good friend over the last month, we have gone from hanging out never to hanging out 2-4 times a week and just generally enjoying each others company as friends. I get the feeling she likes me to, but again i guess it's hard for me to tell because it's been soooo long since i've had to deal with this situation.
Basically should i risk the friendship by trying to let her know how i feel? If i do how on earth do i go about telling her or doing something about it? I know if i ask any of my friends IRL their answer will just be something like " just pump the bird, then she'll know"............. obviously i have a slight different mentality to my friends when it comes to these types of situations.
PLEASE HELP!!! :'(
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Yes, it is worth the friendship to tell her.
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My boyfriend (before we started dating) and one night we were sipping on some jack daniels and I was in the middle of a sentence when he leaned over and kissed me. I'd say that was pretty clear that he liked me. If she likes you too, she'll kiss back or at least not push you away. If she flips out, just apologize and tell her that you like her but it's ok if she doesn't. (I mean, what else are you going to do about it, ya know...)
May I ask how old you are? ....
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I'm 12 and what is this ?
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I also have a friend who did the unexpected-lean-over-and-kiss thing. It was way less awkward then the "sooo...I like you" conversation another friend had previously had with me, but it's definitely more forward. In my case, I did not like the kissy friend that way and told him so. He said it was fine and he was disappointed, but he got over it/me and we're still friends two years later. So even if she doesn't like you, you aren't necessarily going to lose a friend unless you make it uncomfortable for her to be around you.
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Just tell her or make the move :D
Still sounds although she got something for you! But from experience women can be strange creatures.....she might want you but might not want to omit it ;)
Just go for it dude, how will it feel if you neverr know! How will you feel if you don't?? Depending on the response try the other way again, imho women sometimes like the challenge :D correct me if I'm wrong ladies!! 00
You can always apologize and blame the signals, then explain your feelings. Things may never be the same again, but atleast you should be content, maybe even comforted.
If you love her and are getting vibes, go for it dude. Iv some regrets, don't let this be nor of yours!!!
Peace bro, and have merry eventful Christmas !
fg
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I would like to start by thanking those have taken the time to reply with their experiences or wisdom. I thought it was a long shot to come onto the anonymous drug market forum where i hang out and seek such advice of a personal nature as i have witnessed how people can often be ripped/trolled on these boards. Something about waking up and reading your words actually brought a tear to my lonely eye........ I commend you SR brothers and sisters, really solace can be found in the strangest of places and you have really shown me that.
I guess i am maybe just scared of being rejected in that way.............. I really am not that comfortable with myself anymore and certain life choices i have made don't make it any easier for myself. My last partner left me due to our jobs conflicting, she was a head of a high school and I have been a career cannabis grower for the last 5-6 years, so i guess i maybe just fear being rejected for who i am again. The last relationship knew what she got involved with, it was no big secret, but once she got a job in a school i was automatically the scum of the earth and needed to do something more/better with my life. I know this new interest is way more laid back than my last partner, but she is a very sensible person i guess(not to sensible not to want to hang around me in the first place)........ how does one deal with being rejected by a girl you like and then continue being friends?
Ps i am 28years old and so is she!
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If you tell her in a laid back kind of way - i.e. - NOT by bursting out with "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU! BE MY GIRLFRIEND PLEASE!" ... lol, I don't see why she wouldn't want to still be friends even if she did "reject" you. I mean, come on, who wouldn't be flattered by somebody nice telling you they like you? She's hardly going to be offended.
If you were able to let her know in a slightly more subtle way, and if she was to say it's not what she wants, you could always react with "Okay. Yeah, sorry, haha. Maybe I'm just confusing friendship care with relationship love" or whatever. Sweep it under the rug and act the same way around her that you always have.
The hard part then would be - acting the same way around her that you always have. If you love her, and she was to say no... of course that would hurt, and it'd be hard to hang out with her knowing how you feel about her, but knowing she doesn't feel the same way.
But the key to that is - If you care about her, you should just want her to be happy, no matter how hard things are for you. And that helps you accept situations like this. No matter how much heartache you might have, you should always want her to be happy have things the way she wants.
That's how I try to deal with my situation. I've had an 'on, off, on again, off again' relationship with a girl I've known since I was 9, since I was 16 years old. I absolutely love her to death. More than anything on this planet. She really is the most amazing person I have ever known. However, 2 months ago, she seemed to have a big realisation about herself and her life, and part of that realisation was that she knew she didn't NEED a boyfriend, or that right now at least, she just didn't care about our relationship as much as I do.
I'm an absolute bundle of emotion. When I'm happy... I'm REALLY fucking happy. When I'm sad, I feel more "low" than most people. I have so much love to give. My heart is huge. I'm soppy as fuck.
But she isn't soppy. She's incredibly independent. She doesn't NEED anybody. She thinks part of the reason she doesn't know if she can ever care about another guy (to the level of "I can't live without you") might be because of her childhood - after losing her Dad at a young age (motorbike crash) and seeing how much it hurt her Mum.
I'm missing such a huge part of me without her. No matter how great I make my life in the future - No matter how happy I am in every other aspect of my life (job, home, friends, hobbies etc.) - I will ALWAYS have this deep sadness and loneliness without the her; without the feelings I have only ever gotten by being with her.
But I have to understand. I have to accept the situation. And no matter how much I'm hurting, I truly do want her to be happy, no matter what. It makes me feel better about myself if I forget about me and my pain and put her happiness above all else. I don't value myself all that much (I guess that's partly why I love the feeling of being loved by her so much)... and I value her more than anything, so whatever. I'm okay with dying a lonely death if it means she gets to live her life the way she wants, full of happiness.
None of that will apply to you, however, if she says yes :P
I do believe that in life, everything happens for a reason, and everything will work out in the end. You feel the way you do about her for a reason. If you tell her and she says no, that pain you might feel is there for a reason. They're all life lessons. Maybe being rejected by her will be what leads you to finding the person that is right for you; your "one" (although I'm sure you don't want to think about that right now - I know I hate the thought of ending up with anybody other than the girl I love right now, haha).
But yeah, long story short: Yes, you should let her know how you feel in whatever way you think is best, and at whatever pace you think is best. You'll live to regret it if you don't.
P.S. - I fucking love this forum. I've been absolutely amazed at the amount of love and care there is around here.
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I would say tell her or kiss her. :) If you continue to be yourself and want her to be happy (either in a relationship or friendship) it will be alright.
And I have found this forum to be very caring and loving. I think it is party because we are judged by our use of drugs (drugs are bad.. mmmm okay?) and we try not to do the same for others. Life is just very unexpected and brings us to places we never thought we would ever go. And with with our experiences with Love (mdma) en Oneness (lsd) we know we are one and how healing love and connection are. Of course there are some trolls and arseholes to be found, we are just like real people, ya know?! ;)
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You should bring her out for a few sociable drinks and both loosen up a bit, then bring it up in general conversation after a few, dance with her, see what happens? you'll know for sure then man, alcohol is a truth syrup!
But dont get your hopes up, rejection is a bitter pill to swallow!
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Yup once youre in a relationship for a goodlong time you lose that game. Hope it goes well bro
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I am the most unstable man I know when it comes to women, so my example shouldn't be followed too closely.
Look at the men who are getting everyone every day of the week: "Assholes," but really it's just stressed behavior/psychology. Which usually means bad behavior.
Look at the men who are getting nothing: Lots of panicked thought about women, but can't even talk when women are in front of them.
Look at the men who get a woman, one, and things work: You both have to want someONE. You both have to be able to talk without spazzy mouth shit. And there's some random chance involved.
"I'm doing/going ... and you could come with me/us." And then shut up and don't overdo it.
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well your friendship with her is going to be stressed either way, you know? You like her and you can't just unlike someone. Are you positive she's not trying to see other guys right now or that she's interested in someone else?
Just be confident and open and honest with her. If she says no then fuck it, you're awesome and there is plenty of babes out there. I used to hate women and lost faith in everyone but now I got this girl I dated a couple years ago and we're gettin' hitched so good things come to those who wait, man!!
there's a soul mate for everyone 8)
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look at it this way, she spends up to 4 days a week with you, women just don't do that if they don't like you bro! chances are she does feel the same way but doesn't want to ruin things either, this sounds just like me and a girl I liked, in the end we kissed one night after a few drinks, that was 5 years ago and now we are married ;)
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:D Well a little booze and some heavy techno seem to refill my confidence levels................. Life is looking good :) thank you for your help community, i really think you all helped give me that boost i needed.
Sorry still a llittel bit hung over so have not read all your replies.............. All you need to know is I win!
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:D Well a little booze and some heavy techno seem to refill my confidence levels................. Life is looking good :) thank you for your help community, i really think you all helped give me that boost i needed.
Sorry still a llittel bit hung over so have not read all your replies.............. All you need to know is I win!
HOLD the fuck up, nigga! One more reply... I can relate to this post probably more than anyone else here. The previous three female friends I had, friend zoned the fuck out of me. This is almost a decade long dry spell so imagine the self-esteem levels during this time (>:O). This was all a teenager too, so there wasn't shit or fuck for previous experience to try and guide myself with.
EVERY time, I fucking bugged myself about the same thoughts you mention. Over thinking even the most ridiculous details. It's actually pretty simple when concluded.
My answer: Yes, nigga... Yes, you should risk your friendship to tell her. Ever hear "you gotta risk it, to get the biscuit"? If you know anything about the drug game then you should know that there are no REAL gains without risks. Also, even when you think you are safe... you are still taking a risk; you are risking a missed opportunity to GAIN. Think about what could happen if things work out... fuck missing out on that for safety! You should do something... anything... it really doesn't matter, it just can't be stupid and small, it's a win or lose situation and you gotta accept that. Pull your dick out, hop on top of her, make out with her, tell her about your feelings, w.e... just be confident about your risk, girls love confidence (and badasses! >:D). If you wanna inbox me, go for it. I'm not sure if I will remember to come back to this thread!
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:D Well a little booze and some heavy techno seem to refill my confidence levels................. Life is looking good :) thank you for your help community, i really think you all helped give me that boost i needed.
Sorry still a llittel bit hung over so have not read all your replies.............. All you need to know is I win!
HAHAHA yess brother i bet YOU GOT DAT ASS!!!
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:D Well a little booze and some heavy techno seem to refill my confidence levels................. Life is looking good :) thank you for your help community, i really think you all helped give me that boost i needed.
Sorry still a llittel bit hung over so have not read all your replies.............. All you need to know is I win!
See!!! Who told you!?! *Slaps myself on back. Congrats too man ;)
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google "pick up artist" and "kiss close"
and never forget, there are about 3b girls out there so don't freak out about a single one. not good for you confidence. Confidence is key to building attraction :)
A really playful way to kiss is a "half-kiss". So you tell her if she has ever been half-kissed, she probably will say no. What you do then is, you look really deep in her eyes and smile, then put your lips really close to her's without actually kissing. Then play a bit around, and if she wants to be kissed, she will let you know ;) ahh, and I heard girls like to be touched gently in the neck, never tried though ;)
gl mate
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Hand her a STD info form top fill out and both you go to your local health department and have std blood test performed....equals first date.
X)
nomad
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I'm 12 and what is this ?
Hahahaha
Seriously, dude, just go for it. That's what you want - go for it. You clearly don't want her as just a friend, so who cares if the friendship is stressed? I never got this being friends with a chick thing (as in having a very close friendship outside a group of friends, not being friends with women in general).
Rejection is part of the game. If you approach 100 women and get rejected 99 times but one of them says yes, that's all the yeses you need. Don't let the fear of rejection stand in your way. You need to approach a woman. Then approach some women and after that approach some more. If you don't approach, you can't ever get laid. In today's world, no woman is going to walk up to you and ask you to fuck her. You need to take charge of your life by going for what you wish for. Being rejected is actually a good thing - you will be desynthesized to it eventually, and lose the fear that's keeping you back. It's the same as exposure therapy used to treat phobias.
So what are you waiting for? GO!